What does Christmas mean to each of us? I know that over the years I have had many expectations of what it should mean. I have struggled every year trying to find meaning in a holiday that we hear about from September until December 25th. Suppose you seldom visited the mall, or turned on the television or did not check the internet. Maybe the ‘expectations’ would disappear and people might actually find meaning without being told what it is supposed to mean. Diaries I have read from the late 1800’s seldom mention the day with the exception of it being a work day for most farmers. The diaries do mention Independence Day and Thanksgiving
                     When I was young we had lovely Christmases, filled with some magic and a house full of love. The tradition was usually dinner with my grandparents and later they came to our home to stay over and share Christmas with us. My grandmother and dad used to have a little ‘battle’ over how to make the gravy. This was part of our Christmas tradition. I would make cranberry sauce. My brother always received fruit cocktail in his stocking. My dad always received a box of chocolate covered cherries from one of us kids. It was later I found out that he did not care for them, but it was something we could afford. He never complained, just flashed us his big grin. My mom always made sure we had thoughtful gifts. One year I peaked and thought I was getting a really neat refigerator packed full of fake food, Barbie size....however on Christmas morning I learned my lesson when I found out it was my sister Sharon's gift. Christmas is about giving and not receiving. One year I received a rock tumbler, and usually received artist supplies as well. My father often made us a gift. In the early seventies shortly after the Maine Mall opened, there was a store called Spencer’s. String art was all the rage. My father went to the store and studied a 3 dimensional object made with string art and came home to build me my own piece of his art work. He cut some Plexiglas, orange and yellow, on a jigsaw and formed a beautiful open object, looking almost abstract. He studied the way the strings were strung on the object and made me something more beautiful than I had ever seen in any store. Plexiglas gets brittle with age and I no longer have it, and also have no photo, unfortunately. It was a splendid gift. He enjoyed the pursuit of making it himself. My mother always enjoyed Christmas. She was content watching each of us open all of our gifts, always pajamas on Christmas Eve for a family snapshot.
                     Over the years, I have had struggled with depression on a couple occasions. Though it is just a part of me, it no longer rules me. I accept myself .Christmas is a tough time of year for many because of all these expectations and traditions. We all search for some tradition to give our families.In our lives, we need to have meaning and purpose. When I was younger and newly married, I found the pull between both families to be exhausting during the holidays. We wanted our kids to see everyone and we put pressure to meet all those demands we put upon ourselves. I realized that Christmas can be the whole month of December. I decided I would do something special every day with my kids. 
                     My husband is always so thoughtful and enjoys Christmas much like my mother does. I wish I could be more like my mother and actually enjoy the whole festive thing. I wish I could have more enthusiasm and be more thoughtful of those who enjoy the season so much. My husband has been a pretty good sport when I have been in a funk. My sons are special too. The past three years, I have come home from work and found my youngest son, had put the tree up and decorated it. He is 19 now. My husband and he also decorated together one year. This year, I decided to put on some of my Christmas music and get up in the attic to take down the tree. I decorated it myself. 
                     For those of you who grew up in the 60’s, you may recall a television special called ‘The Littlest Angel”. Fred Gwynn (He played Herman Munster on TV) and Johnny Whitaker (Jody from Family Affair) were the actors who played Angels in the Special. I only saw the movie once when I was about nine but it left a strong memory. I decided to check out www.youtube.com and saw a clip someone had posted. He considered it to be the best scene in the movie. Go to the site and type ‘The Littlest Angel” Johnny Whitaker. Maybe I am a little sappy, but it made me cry. Merry Christmas to all of you. I hope you all find meaning this holiday season.